Matt's Monoblog

Monologue 366: One-Word Monologue (comedic, dramatic, romantic, whimsical, fantastical, gritty, horrific)

12/31/2016

For this one, make up your own story. You are encouraged to put it in the realm of science fiction, fantasy or suspense.

ONE-WORD MONOLOGUE (any gender, any age)

[Choose a focal point out in the audience. Make sure it's not an actual person, just an object or empty space.]

[Slowly approach with excitement or shrink away with terror from your focal point.]

[Stop.]

[Change your body posture and take a couple of breaths as your focal point tansforms physically, emotionally or behaviorally.]

[Your one word is]

Oo...

[Quickly approach with excitement or shrink away with terror from your focal point.]

[Stop and take a slow inhale as you wait, with excitement or terror, for your focal point to go into further action.]

Copyright 2016 by Matt Haynes.
If you would like to use this piece, please credit: "Courtesy of Matt Haynes and The Pulp Stage"

Monologue 365: "New Year" (comedic, horrific)

12/30/2016

For this one, you must make sure that a new year's party stays under your puppetry powers.

NEW YEAR (any gender, early twenties through late life)

One minute left everyone!

[pause]

I said "one minute left."

[pause]

Put fingers to lips.

[pause]

Good. Smile. Good.
Keep heads in same postion... but turn bodies towards big screen TV.
Now turn heads to big screen TV.
Put drinks down, anticipating the new year's hug. I don't want my apparment messy with sloshing alchohol.

Jennifer, put drink down.
Put drink dow-
Jennifer, head turns to big screen-
Jennifer, turn body away from me and back to the-
Doug. Turn body away from me and back to--
Ashley, turn body--
Do not LOOK at each other. You will not focus on each other. You will not seek explanation from each other.
This is MY party. MY party. You will turn-

Okay, maybe you're awake now? But it's just for fun, you guys. Don't ruin it for the other twenty people here. I just want my party. When you have my powers, life can be lonely and I just--

Jennifer, put the cake knife down. Doug, no nodding at Jennifer.

Okay, ball is dropping when all of us count down from ten you will cease this rebellion and join the party.

Ten
Nine.
Everybody.
Seven!
Why aren't they-
Five
Four
Look at the TV, everyone!
One!

[pause]

Everyone. Everyone. EVERYONE: YOU WILL ALL NOW BE HAPPY!

Copyright 2016 by Matt Haynes.
If you would like to use this piece, please credit: "Courtesy of Matt Haynes and The Pulp Stage"

Monlogue 364: "Clown Clothes" (fantastical, dramatic)

12/29/2016

For this one, you must cut through your appearance to warn an empire of threat.

CLOWN CLOTHES (any gender, mid teens through late life)

Laugh if you want to. Do you want to? Then laugh and laugh now.

[pause for any laughter]

Thank you. And now I ask that you hear what I say in all seriousness. I am the King's fool. But I am not your fool. And you all are not mine. The king is planning an attack on all things that he considers "below us." Anything that makes the kingdom look less than clean, less than organized, less than mighty.

He is planning to burn your temples because they stand awkwardly. He is planning on destroying your farms so that he can make one giant piece of land for growing. He is going to-- he is going to seize your youth and begin training them all as warriors for the other kingdoms to fear.

[pause]

It's alright. I understand, if you are smiling. I'm sure that without my clown clothes, my face and my words seem all the more silly, all the more out of place. Would it help if I made you angry?

What If I were to say that everything the King is going to destroy-- what if he had gotten those ideas after I had made him laugh at all of you?

Copyright 2016 by Matt Haynes.
If you would like to use this piece, please credit: "Courtesy of Matt Haynes and The Pulp Stage"

Monologue 363: "Japan" (horrific, dramatic)

12/28/2016

For this one, you must talk you father down from unleashing his telekinetic powers.

JAPAN (any gender, mid teens through late fifties)

Dad, look at me. It's me. We're in the U.S. and we're at home. You're not at war anymore.
Just un-flex your mind for a minute, okay? I can feel my bones... they're swelling. I've see what you can do to other people... they've talked about the same feeling.

Do you remember what happens afterward dad? You don't defeat the enemy. You don't let off a bomb... even though there is an explosion. You murder innocent people, dad. I know you don't mean to. You've got what they call PTSD... the old term was "shell shock", right?

But you've also got a gift, dad. Two gifts. The first gift is your ability to make things happen with your mind. I'm not sure what happened to you in Japan but that's when it seems to have started, that's what your buddies tell me. And dad, the second gift is that you're SAFE NOW.

Even when you flex your mind, the government seems to be able to swoop in at just the right time and clean everything up. Dad: You are powerful. You are safe.

And you are hurting me right now. In a few seconds, I think my body is going to be pulverized. I can feel it. Can you feel it, dad? Can you feel ME? Feel, dad.

Open your eyes for me.

Copyright 2016 by Matt Haynes.
If you would like to use this piece, please credit: "Courtesy of Matt Haynes and The Pulp Stage"

Monologue 362: "North" (dramatic, gritty)

12/27/2016

For this one, you must gain enough clues to restore your memory.

NORTH (any gender, mid teens through late life)

"North." Something about North. That's what I remember. That's all I remember. When ever I try to remember anything else--

[hiss and clutch head]

God. That fucking stings.

North, north, north, north, north. Okay, better. Better.

Mister, can you tell me what is North? Anything that you know about that direction. Anything that word means to you. Because I can see that you know something. And I'm not letting you out of this car until you tell me. No. I'm not letting you go and live. Not until you share some peace of mind with me. You'd want to do that anyway, wouldn't you? Give somebody some water if you had some?

When I look into your eyes I see the word "North."

Now I see... tears.

Yes. That's a start.

You know.

Don't you?

Copyright 2016 by Matt Haynes.
If you would like to use this piece, please credit: "Courtesy of Matt Haynes and The Pulp Stage"

Monologue 361: "Gladiator Moves" (comedic, gritty)

12/26/2016

For this one, you must get life-saving information before entering the arena.

GLADIATOR MOVES (any gender, mid teens through late forties)

"Die with honor"... so, alright. The chances that I'm going to die out there are high. Inevitable. Sort of. But you see, it's the "honor" part that I'd like to point out. "Honor" meaning that we put on a really good show for the arena, right? Meaning that we show some decent skill before getting disembowled, right?

"Die with honor." That implies that we've got to live a LITTLE before the inevitable. So coach, I'm just asking for some tricks that I can practice. Just a feeeeew extra moves that could save my life-- even for just another minute before I "die with honor."

Come on, coach. I'm sure you know a couple of tricks. This is-- forgive me-- a certain type of show biz, isn't it? And there's got to be some "honor" in that, somewhere? Maybe?

Copyright 2016 by Matt Haynes.
If you would like to use this piece, please credit: "Courtesy of Matt Haynes and The Pulp Stage"

Monologue 360: "Mud Race" (fantastical, comedic)

12/25/2016

For this one, you must coach a newbie into winning a bizare race.

MUD RACE (any gender, mid twenties through late life)

Thirty laps. That's all it takes. And you only have two competitors-- listen carefully-- they're going to call you to your mark in about five minutes. You have only two competitors. One is strong but arrogant. He's the nephew of the Emperor. One is clever but uninspired. She's the top scholar in the university towers.

You can beat them. You must beat them. It is your destiny. As a person from another dimension, you will carry the elements to win this race and then win the battle with the Emperor. I'm glad I found you. I know this isn't easy. But-- alright-- here's what I can tell you about the race.

The track gives way to several mud-runs. The gunk is about three feet deep. The trick is for you to TRANSITION into the mud run. Just take a breath and slow yourself down... go through the transition gracefully, go through the mud gracefully, go out of the mud and onto the track slowly but steadily. Don't be arrogant and try to power through the mud. Don't be clever and analize the physics of the mud with each step.

You'll be tired by the race but-- listen --but you can do this.

Look: I know you didn't ask to be woken up in another world. But since you're here, can you make the best of it you can? Can you save it? And get some... excercise?

Copyright 2016 by Matt Haynes.
If you would like to use this piece, please credit: "Courtesy of Matt Haynes and The Pulp Stage"

Monologue 359: "Last Bite" (dramatic, horrific)

12/24/2016

For this one, you must lure your lover into the bite that will convert them fully.

LAST BITE (any gender, mid teens through late life)

Just one more. I wish you all the best. I think you wish me all the best. Don't you? Our little adventure wasn't so little that it was meaningless to you... was it?

And I want to apologize. I left scars. I do that. They're pretty hard to remove too. The skin on the neck is so thin... maybe a third hole would make it look like you had surgery-- sorry. I'm not trying to control your actions again. You do what you like. Of course. Of course.

But it all ended so harshly. I think I have some scarring too, ya know. I can handle crosses okay but an actual crucifix? That burns pretty badly, hon. Sorry. I don't get to call you that anymore. Sorry. And I'm sorry that I forced myself on you. I can understand that defense move with the crucifix, it just caught me off guard. I didn't even know you were religious. Or that you hadn't trusted me enough to know that I was just hungry. Just for a snack.

So, yes. I'm hurt as well. I treated you like an object in the end but I feel like you treated me like a monster. And that isn't me. Don't you remember? Don't you remember what it was really like to get the bite? That sting but then that ticklish feeling that just goes up and up and up into such a humming ecstasy? Two people exchanging life. One giving, one recieving... just for a moment.

So beautiful.

Just one more time so we can remember that again?

Copyright 2016 by Matt Haynes.
If you would like to use this piece, please credit: "Courtesy of Matt Haynes and The Pulp Stage"

Monologue 358: "Verdict" (dramatic, gritty)

12/23/2016

For this one, you must convince the jury that it was you.

VERDICT (any gender, late twenties through late life)

Ladies and gentlemen of the Jury: I didn't prepare this speech. There was another one but I've realized that it's a lie. I am here to make sure that the guilty party is convicted. My speech would have me attacking the defendant. That's what I thought was my job. I'm sure you thought so as well.

But the truth of the matter is that what happened in our town... it did not start with the defendant. In fact I think the defendant did the best he could under the circumstances. But what started it all was, I believe, the loss of an innocent life. Yes? The subsequent riots, the defendant's accidental slaying of his attackers in the whole mess... none of this would have happened if not for a hit and run.

I myself was convinced that the child was killed by a careless driver-- no... I was convinced that it was a hate group masquerading as a careless driver. And the hate group has been tried and convicted already. But I need to tell you all: The evidence points to a careless driver, it really does. And I... I was blacked out on the night of the hit and run. I woke up the next morning with a hangover and a feeling of fear but I didn't know where it came from.

Ladies and gentlemen, there's blood on my car. I ask you that we judge this case by going back to the start. I can't undo the past but I can clear it.

Copyright 2016 by Matt Haynes.
If you would like to use this piece, please credit: "Courtesy of Matt Haynes and The Pulp Stage"

Monologue 357: "The Drop Off" (fantastical, comedic)

12/22/2016

For this one, you must win back your co-pilot before dropping him off on an alien planet.

THE DROP OFF (any gender, mid twenties through late life)

I told you I don't WANT to talk about the last mission. Okay? I screwed up, I screwed up, I screwed up! Happy now?

God, you see, this is the problem. THIS is the problem. I can't even concentrate on the coordinates. We could both crash into the Syloid Swamp right now. You provoke me, Gary. You PROVOKE me. And when I'm provoked, I get sloppy. That's what happened on the last mission when you started criticizing my--

Forget it. I'm going to go into the cockpit and enter the coordinates now. "See ya later" "Have fun exploring" "Stay safe" "Don't forget that my mailing address is now in a separate station since I've been FIRED. Yes, thank you for bringing that up, Gary. Really nice way for us to say goodbye.

I took this last trip because I wanted to say goodbye, Gary. Ya know, goodbye? Because we did have some good missions, didn't we, Gary? I was hoping we could maybe say goodbye remembering those rather than my screw up which, to be probably kinda fair was also YOUR screw up because you were PROVOK-

[pause]

Gary, I'm thinking that if you make it back from this mission, we should get married.

Copyright 2016 by Matt Haynes.
If you would like to use this piece, please credit: "Courtesy of Matt Haynes and The Pulp Stage"

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Author

Artistic Director Matt Haynes presents a new short monologue every day, 2016. The majority of these are gender-flexible and usable for teenagers on up. Feel free to grab any of these for your audition... or just to perform for fun. If you need to trim the beginnings or endings for time, go ahead, but please do not alter the text itself.

Hey! Also, if you end up using one of these, drop Matt a line. We're hoping to track the spreading of our work! pulpstagematt@gmail.com

Let's have some fun!