GET EVEN (any gender, late twenties through late life)
Kid: You're not the only telekinetic to have that idea. "Pranks, just pranks. I won't kill anybody, I won't even damage them. I'll just do some pranks, put some people in their place."
Seemed like a great idea to ME when I was your age. My first prank? There was this kid in high school, leader of a posse that teased me, made fun of me because I was kinda fat, you know. Popular kid.
The day after I discovered my powers, I went to the state basketball tournament. As soon as this kid was getting ready to make a free shot, I sent my mind right down into his lower bowels and give a couple of niiiice little squeezes.
Oh man. Right?
I hear his parents went through this whole ordeal to keep the incident out of several local newspapers. Not that it mattered. That kid was finished. You can't really be all hot shit once you've taken a hot shit in front of everybody. A month later his family moved.
And that was just my first taste. So many more pranks through the years. A sexist cop gets frappuccino all over his uniform, an abusive boss falls flat on her face... and years later... years later, a certain presidential candidate kisses a baby at a rally, then gets a visible erection.
Yep I made that infamous little whoopsy happen, too. And this time I really didn't want to do it.
But that's the problem, kid. Sooner or later, you play enough harmless pranks, you'll get the attention of some very harmful people who want to employ your special talent. And believe me, they don't give you much of a choice. Now Vice President Greenly has ended his life, as I will mine before I'm forced into my next "assignment."
So kid: You never heard what I said, you never saw me and-- I want you to say this-- you never, never, realized that you could get even.
Copyright 2016 by Matt Haynes. If you would like to use this piece, please credit: "Courtesy of Matt Haynes and The Pulp Stage"