PRESSURE (any gender, late teens to late twenties)
Mr. Harrison, I've had an excellent track record with you, haven't I? Not just excellent, Mr. Harrison. I've had a PERFECT track record. Assassinations in nine countries and none of it traceable to you. But this one... infiltrating basic military training and killing sergeant Smith... this one I need to bow out. I know we never are supposed to say that to you but let me explain:
I'm not going soft, I don't care about sergeant Smith. I can handle the basic training three times over AND I can pretend that it's challenging just to blend in. But Mr. Harrison, believe me when I tell you that every virtuoso, EVERY ONE OF US has a weak spot and mine...
Look: in the military, each toilet is exposed and I am chronically pee shy.
It's been that way ever since I was in day care-- Mr. Harrison? I'm not trying to disrespect you, I'm being SERIOUS. Give me some credit for trusting you with this information.
Some of your killers have phobias of spiders, some have mother issues, at least one has EPILEPSY... but my problem is very simple. I cannot. Urinate. Surrounded. By others.
Why do you think I chose to be a SOLO assassin in the first place? Lurking isn't the only thing you can do in a dark corner. But in the military, it's all eyes on you all the time. And of COURSE, I would do a stellar job whacking Sergeant Smith once I get night watch, once everyone's asleep. But do you know how brain fried I'm going to be if I've been spending all day just PRETENDING to be relieving myself? I doubt I'll be able to even--
Okay, you know what Mr. Harrison? You think this is absurd? You know I can bolt right across your desk and snap your neck in point five seconds, you know that right? So okay, all you have to do to save your own life is pull your pants down and piss in your trash can. I just don't care anymore! I want you TO UNDERSTAND! If you're able to perform under that kind of pressure, maybe I'll let you live. Meantime, see how you like it, you insensitive prick. You have thirty seconds.
Copyright 2016 by Matt Haynes. If you would like to use this piece, please credit: "Courtesy of Matt Haynes and The Pulp Stage"