Matt’s note: This one was sourced from Helena’s pleading with Hermia in A Midsummer Night’s Dream.
MEAN (any gender, mid teens to early twenties)
Why are you being so MEAN? Just let me go home! It’s enough that my skin’s now polka dotted. You really have to go all the way and turn me into a dragon? Really?
Look at me, Sam. I’m your friend. We’ve known each other since we were in diapers and I do know that we go back that far, I’ve still got that picture of us in diapers playing “dinosaur and shark.”
Believe me: I want you and Jason to be happy- okay:
I’ve got a crush on Jason. You know that. I never tried to cover that up.
But I SWEAR, I was only following him to help him find you. He’s a champion cloud navigator but he doesn’t know these woods. I did not seduce him. In fact, every time I tried to guide him past the bog traps he kept telling me that he’d vaporize my feet if I didn’t leave him alone.
I don’t know why he’s, like slobbering all over me now, the only thing I can think of is that he’s MAKING FUN of me. But-
But, wait, he would never do that in front of you... unless you were in on it too! Sam: What have I done to you?
Copyright 2016 by Matt Haynes.
If you would like to use this piece, please credit: "Courtesy of Matt Haynes and The Pulp Stage"