FAVOR (any gender, late teens to late life)
Don Esposito: I have shown you respect throughout my brief service to you. Have I not?
When you asked me make threatening phone calls, did I not get those debtors to pay?
When you asked me to steal a car, did I not make sure it was a cadillac?
When you ask me to collect a chopped body and dump it in the river, did I not show up five minutes early with a smile on my face?
With this in mind, I ask for a small favor: You see, I'm in love with your wife and I'd like you to divorce her next week. Next two weeks, if you need the time... I'm flexible.
This favor is really for the both of us: I am certain that you are very much out of love with Bianca. Remember the movie star who held her hand a little too long when he shook it? As I was helping you poison him to death, I couldn't help but notice that you ordered two teaspoons of cyanide rather than your legendary two AND A HALF teaspoons. That's one fifth less and if your heart is one fifth less than committed to the cause of your wife, then well, don't you think it is time to move on?
Also, you should know... Bianca loves me. She can't control herself. We may have not slept together, we may not have done anything physical... in fact she hasn't even told me she loves me. However, she DID pass me a mint last night when I helped her into the limousine. And it was a green tic-tac. Green tic-tacs have been my favorite mint since childhood. The kind of research involved in finding out such a thing... clearly she is rather obsessed. I only wish to make her happy.
If you do this favor for me, I will not only stay in your service but I will even allow you to come visit us on the occasional weekend. We can have coffee, even watch a DVD together, I'll let you pick--
You are truly a man of few words but your action makes me happier than I could have dreamed. You have presented a gun! I'm not Italian but surely this is a Sicilian message that you are passing the torch on to me. Really, really, I'm not ready to take over, but I am flattered that my proposal means so much to you.
Copyright 2016 by Matt Haynes. If you would like to use this piece, please credit: "Courtesy of Matt Haynes and The Pulp Stage"