For this one: You must get yourself and a would-be victim into your home... all the while you have broken fingers and an aversion to the sound of breathing.
EVERY BREATH YOU TAKE (any gender, early twenties through late life)
I can't work the combo, Charlie broke all my fingers.
I need you to do it. If you can get the door open, we'll be in my place and we'll be a hell of a lot safer than in this alleyway. So listen caref-- oh God. Fine.
[singing loudly, eyes squeezed shut]
MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB
LITTLE LAMB
LITTLE LAMB
MARY HAD--
Okay, you think you can hold it? Long enough for me to give you the combo? Don't say anything, don't waste your next breath. Just nod.
Good.
The numbers are 984-D-15-20... okay, OKAY!
MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB
ITS FLEECE WAS WHITE AS SNOW
AND EVERYWHERE--
Now, we gotta start over, the thing's on a timer. Listen, I know this is my fault. I've got some problems with OCD and I really can't stand it when Charlie leaves people alive. I need closure. I can't concentrate unless I finish them off. I'm sorry that I was about to do that to you- really? REALLY?
AND EVERYWHERE THAT MARY WENT
MARY WENT
MARY W--
Did you take a nice long breath? Good. I'm trying to apologize here but we're running out of time. One of Charlie's goons could be rounding the corner any second. Let's just get into my place. I've got it all fortified. So the combo... actually, why don't you take another breath?
EVERYWHERE THAT M--
You know this is nothing personal. It's not your fault. When I was trying to strangle you I think I created a hitch in your breathing. I can't stand the sound. It's my OCD, you know? You gotta see it from my perspective. For me, it's like a high frequency--
[switch to another focal point]
oh SHIT here they come.
[switch back to main focal point]
Combo, combo, combo... one more breath? You really can't hold it? Fine, quick, quick, quick.
EVERYWHERE THAT MARY WENT, THE LAMB WAS SURE TO GO!!!
Copyright 2016 by Matt Haynes. If you would like to use this piece, please credit: "Courtesy of Matt Haynes and The Pulp Stage"