For this one: You must convince your mob boss not to dispose of you, due to a botched bank robbery. Matt's note: This one is sourced from Puck's speech to Oberon in Act 3, Scene 1 of A Midsummer Night's dream.
ADDRESS (any gender, early twenties through late life)
Boss, boss, BOSS. It's not pleasant news, I get that. I had them rob the wrong bank. Yes, that could be seen as unfortunate. The bank is supported by a rival gang. And that could be seen as very unfortunate.
But boss. Before getting rid of me, consider: You could be throwing away a VERY powerful assistant. The bank? We cleaned out everything and I mean EVERYTHING in that safe and we did it fifteen minutes before the cops arrived. We were able to grease wedding rings off the TELLERS. We even made off with all the FREE MINTS.
When you put me to work, boss, you've got a full scale nuclear missile on your hands. Now it's just a matter of... you know... a matter of AIM.
Copyright 2016 by Matt Haynes. If you would like to use this piece, please credit: "Courtesy of Matt Haynes and The Pulp Stage
Believe me, king of shadows, I mistook.
Did not you tell me I should know the man
By the Athenian garment be had on?
And so far blameless proves my enterprise,
That I have 'nointed an Athenian's eyes;
And so far am I glad it so did sort
As this their jangling I esteem a sport.