Matt's note: Yes, this IS monologue 187 which was sadly neglected in its positioning between 186 and 188. We apologize for the error and are now giving monologue 187 an awkward though striking role in the 300s league.
For this one, you must convince a marooned family to entrust their safety to you and your very eccentric boat.
BANANA BOAT (any gender, early 20s through late life)
There won't be another boat. They hardly ever go out into these waters. I didn't even know this island existed. If you want to get back to civilization, come with me. My boat... it will hold all of you. It is a perfectly safe boat. It IS.
Hey, you know how they say "don't look a gift horse in the mouth"? Okay, well don't look at my boat and be all judgy. I know that it looks kinda silly. And yes, it is made of banana peels. When they told me to design a new kind of "banana boat", I thought it was an amusment park company. What did I know about banana boats? I was working on a computer in my basement all my life.
And then they made a mistake, my friends. They laughed at me when I submitted the plans. Well, I don't know if they laughed, I was working from my computer in my basement. But the tone of their reply was loaded with sarcasm. Big mistake. I am a very kind and giving person but when I am being mocked...
So I built this here boat and ditched my job and set sail. Out to places where nobody else goes. Where nobody could laugh at me.
I would really like to be kind and giving to you. I'd like to save your life and bring you back to civilization. But you better wipe that smirk off your face and stop staring at all the fruit flies surrounding my boat. It's not funny.
Copyright 2016 by Matt Haynes.
If you would like to use this piece, please credit: "Courtesy of Matt Haynes and The Pulp Stage"