For this one, you must recite an applicant speech perfectly or else suffer the curse.
INTERVIEW (any gender, early twenties through late life)
Principal Madison, I humbly give to you
The speech of wizard Montemarto written for this interview.
While not penned by my hand, my recitation serves
To show my memory and care of all our master's words.
Should you give me the privilege to teach here at this school
I'll cary fourth all your traditions, and the wizard rules
I pledge to be a model of all that this school...
Sorry just one moment.
I pledge to be a model of what this school most holds dear:
The practice of old wizardry and the maintenance of... um
Well it's not "fear." That's not positive.
Sorry, Ms. Madison, I humbly ask to start over-- agh!
[in pain, near the crotch]
Oo! Oo! It's the curse, isn't it? Inaccuracy of recitation. I can feel it right now. You folks really aren't kidding-- Oo! Sorry, may I use the bathroom? The curse seems to have gone right down to my... and I really need-- uh... okay, okay. The rule. I need to finish. Okay. Picking up where I stopped then.
I pledge to be a model of what this school holds as right
The practice of old wizardry and the maintenance of might.
Yes!- [in pain] Oo!
I shall not let the student dictate any of my methods
But rather guide them to our ways of practicing the, the, the... efforts!
Close enough- Oo!
I see that I've messed up this speech but promise to work harder
At memorizing sacred words. Now I must relieve my bladder!
Forgive me and please still consider me for this job. Bye!
[turn to run]
Copyright 2016 by Matt Haynes.
If you would like to use this piece, please credit: "Courtesy of Matt Haynes and The Pulp Stage"