For this one you must either A) persuade a vengeful gang to leave you alone because you have a memory problem or B) fake having a memory problem in the first place.
MEMORY (any gender, mid teens through late life)
Oh come on, guys. Just let me by. I just want to get home. I'm just down the block here, okay? You'll know where to find me if I don't get back to you. A cell number? Any of you got a cell number? Mine is 503-4...
435...
No wait...
453...
I know what it is...
503-53- look: I can get it to you later tonight. I can tell you more about where I was LAST NIGHT. I just need to get home and chill out. Get myself together. I'm not remembering things so good, right now. I have problems like that.
I know that's convenient. I could be lying, right? But that woman's name? It's really, really REALLY, not ringing any bells.
But I guess nothing's ringing any bells for me right now. I got these memory problems. I know y'all are pissed. I don't blame you. If what you say is true, then I WAS the last person at the place when she disappeared.
But hey, how do I know YOU'RE telling the truth, right?
Maybe you all looked me up, saw my medical history, the brain injury, the meds I need to take... maybe you need someone to pin this on. Maybe YOU made her disappear...
Whoah, whoah, whoah... I'm not saying that's TRUE. Okay? Back off, back off...
...you see that's the problem, you got me all disoriented. I'm just coming back home from my job and you corner me on the street and I haven't taken my meds yet. You're getting all up in my face? It's disorienting. Right now I can't even remember my WORK! I think I work as, like, a dishwasher somewhere. My clothes, they got that funky kinda garbage smell and I'm remembering a lot of soapy water and, like silverware, like spoons or KNIVES. Maybe I'm a prep cook because I definitely remember knives... shit, I know how that sounds.
Just let me by. I'm not a bad person. I don't feel bad. I mean- ha!- I'm not feeling good right now, that's for sure. Is that what you want?
Copyright 2016 by Matt Haynes.
If you would like to use this piece, please credit: "Courtesy of Matt Haynes and The Pulp Stage"