For this one: You must get "Jenny" to help you find a bag of drugs in less than an hour.
EIGHT O'CLOCK (any gender, mid-teens through late life)
Seven o'clock? Perfect. Perfect. Mike is coming home at eight thirty. To be on the safe side, let's shoot for eight. One hour. Perfect. We can do this, Jenny. We got this. Okay? OKAY?
Jenny, this is a trailer; the bag? It can only be in so many places. Bedroom, bathroom, kitchen and the sort-of living room, that's pretty much it. We just got to find a ziplock bag with white powder... that should stick out, pretty good. Should be pretty obvious.
Seven-o-one. Fifty nine minutes. Okay, okay, okay. I'll take the bedroom. Drawers, mattress, closet type-thing, all four corners... done. You take the kitchen, make sure that shit didn't end up disguised with the flour and baking soda. That's ten minutes tops. We got th--
--Jenny, JENNY. We got this!
Get yourself together. You're panicked? Okay: Then use it. You're not a miserable lump- you're the FLASH. You just ZOOM through the kitchen. Zoom. Is that the sound the Flash makes? I never watched the show. But yeah, work with me here: Zoom through the kitchen. Panic Power! Zoom through the bathroom, checking the rims, make sure it didn't get hidden-- oh HO!
You think that's gross?
Not looking at me this whole and now you give me the STINK EYE?
Oh God. Jenny!
Lemme tell you something. Mike pulls up and we are still here and the drugs aren't? We die. Huh? How 'bout that? We die. Is that getting through to you?
Jesus, this isn't even my fault! You're the one who stashed the stuff after you snorted half the bag. What the hell am I doing giving you a PEP TALK? How 'bout this? You don't help me, I'm going to tie you to that chair and get my butt out of here. Let you sulk in front of MIKE. Enjoy THAT, kiddo.
I bet you DID do that old panic move. Where do they always throw the stuff when the authorities come? That's right. Jenny, I'm going to do the bedroom and if you don't have your hand groping the toilet in two minutes you are going to go BOBBING for baggies!
Copyright 2016 by Matt Haynes.
If you would like to use this piece, please credit: "Courtesy of Matt Haynes and The Pulp Stage"