For this one, you must convince a plainclothes cop to let you go.
BUSTED (any gender, early twenties through late life)
I'll shut up in a sec. But Andy, I need you do know: Prison? Scares the shit out of me. I've never been. I don't think I can make it in there. So you got to tell me. Are you teasing me? Or are you SURE that's where they'll send me? Is that what'll happen if you call this one in?
Because, Andy... ANDY. I've been nice to you, haven't I? Except for tonight, I've only known you as my lonely neighbor. Maybe that's the plainclothes role you've been playing... or maybe that really is YOU. And this is all a horrible coincidence.
I think so... I hope so. Why would you be trailing ME? I'm not a DEALER, Andy. You're not trailing me, Andy. It's just me. It's just a coincidence. I was just trying to help a friend who had run out of meds. And the friend was your housemate and... there it is.
So I challenge: Yeah I challenge. You ARE just a sullen neighbor. That apartment IS your home. And you're sad. You always look sad when you're coming home. This drug-busting... it makes you sad, doesn't it?
Would one less drug bust... would that help? Do a good deed: Give me a chance to rethink my life. Outside of prison. Outside of a place that actually BUILDS criminals. This is your chance, Andy. Don't call this one in.
I'll take the medication back. Throw it down the toilet. We can hang out and talk. That pita plate I whipped up for the courtyard pot-luck? I saw you dipping into that like a madman. It'll take me a coupla minutes for me to put another one together but I'll be right back. Okay?
Copyright 2016 by Matt Haynes. If you would like to use this piece, please credit: "Courtesy of Matt Haynes and The Pulp Stage"