For this one, you must convince your victim to go free.
GET UP (any gender, early twenties through late life)
I've... this is going to be a surprise but... I've changed my mind. I'm not going to kill you.
Get up. I've untied you. I'm letting you go.
It's not a trick. Last night, the first time in a loooong time, I actually got some decent sleep. I feel a lot better and I don't feel like killing you. So...
Look, if you want to call the police on me, that's fine. I'd much rather go to prison as a kidnapper than live on the run as a killer. I can handle prison. I feel guided in my life. I suddenly feel this connection to God. You know, I think I can credit you for that. All the prayers you were saying while I tied you up, while I was cleaning off the power tools and while I was getting the garbage bags all lined up... a lot of what you were saying to God... it touched me somewhere. And thus "I shall set thee free..."
Oh come on. Would you please just get up? I don't understand why--- oooooooh!
You thought you were going to HEAVEN today, right? Making your peace with God, you were going to die like a martyr and be in paradise by this afternoon? Of for God's sa- sorry... for FUCK'S sake. I know it's disappointing. But tough. TOUGH! You're just gonna have to wait on heaven because I am NOT going to HELL for killing you, you, you selfish assh--
No. Sorry. Not nice. Just get up before I say something I'm going to regret.
Copyright 2016 by Matt Haynes. If you would like to use this piece, please credit: "Courtesy of Matt Haynes and The Pulp Stage"