For this one, you must prepare a 3 year old to flee carnivorous aliens with you.
THE BIG BABIES (any gender, late twenties through late forties)
Honey? We don't have time to get your teddy bear. We've got to get to the escape pod. The big ship will fly itself. Teddy is going to be just fine. We're going to get into the escape pod and fly, fly, fly just like a great big baseball. And later, it could be a while, but later, the soldiers will find the ship, clean out the ship and you can have Teddy back.
Now to get to the escape pod, we need to move past the aliens... no, shhhhh... it's okay. We call them aliens but remember that to THEM, its US who are the aliens. Right? They might be even more scared of us. Isn't that silly? That makes them like big babies right? Yes, it's funny, isn't it? Big Babies. We'll call them the Big Babies.
But, but, but we shouldn't try to cuddle them or play with them. Okay? We need to just get past them to the escape pod. The Big Babies don't want to play, they want... well, they want Treat Time. You like Treat Time, don't you? Yummy, yummy, gummy bears? And the Big Babies... to them, WE'RE the gummy bears. Isn't that silly?
So we say, "no thank you." But the Big Babies don't understand "no thank you" the way we say it. So we say "no thank you" by running from them, and maybe... maybe by me using the shooter. That's a LOUD "no thank you" isn't it? And if they don't understand that... I want you to say "no thank you" by running, running, running to the escape pod. I'll stay behind and... see if I can make them understand "no thank you."
I'll be okay... you'll be...
Maybe we should go get Teddy.
Copyright 2016 by Matt Haynes.
If you would like to use this piece, please credit: "Courtesy of Matt Haynes and The Pulp Stage"