Matt's note: This one is sourced from Rosalind's speech to Lord Berowne in Love's Labors Lost
REQUESTS: (any gender, mid to late teens)
So: You want to go out on a date with a Darmenoid? You've heard all kinds of exotic things about me, I'm sure.
Well I've heard plenty of things about you as well, Jess. I may be new to the Walton High School but word here travels faster than my star hopper. I've compiled the rumors of your social cruelty in my pocket analyzer and it calculates an eighty five percent chance of truth.
Wait- let me finish.
If you would like to date this Darmenoid, I believe we can work something out. Would you please fulfill the following requests over the next month:
One: Reverse your behavior with Pat Hamilton and share some of your fruit flavored candies, every lunchtime.
Two: Stop referring to the Resource Room as the Retard Room and volunteer there once a week as a peer tutor.
Three: Post sincere and constructive comments on the Literary Magazine blog. I myself plan to contribute fiction there now and again.
Do these things up through Friday October first and I'll swing by your place in my star hopper at 6:30pm. I will take you to the middle dimension and the rest of the evening is your call.
If you cheat any of my requests I'll know. As I've said, word here travels fast and there are quite a few... people who find it pleasant to... look upon you.
Copyright 2016 by Matt Haynes.
If you would like to use this piece, please credit: "Courtesy of Matt Haynes and The Pulp Stage"