Matt's Note: This one was sourced from the Friar's "there art thou happy" speech in Romeo and Juliet
ALEX (any gender, early teens to late twenties)
Oh I believe you can do it, but lemme ask you something: You think people are going to feel sorry for you? You think your profile page is going to get this royal dump of tributes and boo-hoos. Gimme a break. I’m your best friend and you know what I’m gonna write?
FACT: Alex was going to be killed by that bus but instead, tragedy of tragedies, Alex swerved and hit a car, with only minor injuries to the driver.
FACT: Alex was tested as having consumed alcohol but the little baggie of pills was never found in Alex’s boot. Yes, I’ll tell them about the score.
FACT: Jules had a car of her own and and could drive the two hundred miles to see Alex any time she wanted even if Alex’s license got suspended.
FACT: Alex knew that Alex would hurt Jules if Alex blew Alex’s brains out. But Alex ate a Colt 45 anyway because Alex never really cared about Jules, Alex only ever cared about Alex.
And then I’m going to click on the emoticon that says “irritated.” Now get that thing out of your mouth. You’re starting to drool.
Copyright 2016 by Matt Haynes
If you would like to use this piece, please credit: "Courtesy of Matt Haynes and The Pulp Stage"