AMBASSADOR ( any gender, mid thirties to late life )
As the top ambassador of planet Earth, I am going to thank you for your offer.
Then I am going to shake your hand.
Then you are going get your vile self out of my station, you are not going to come back and nobody will ever know about this meeting.
Because even though your offer is very gracious and even though planet Earth may be ready to welcome a new race, even though we may even NEED your help, it will never happen.
I know who you are. I know those markings. You're the one who pushed me away when I was a kid. Remember? You yes- you were visiting. Exploring. I found you in the countryside. I came to you. I offered you my hand. Then you made a snorting sound and you slapped my hand away. Then you just left.
Now I'm the ambassador, I have the expertise on you all and I've got the power of every weapon on Earth at my disposal. I guard the gate, as it were. And you're not coming back in.
Thank you for your offer. We can't accept at this time. But before you go, I would be honored if you followed our custom... of shaking hands.
Copyright 2016 by Matt Haynes.
If you would like to use this piece, please credit: "Courtesy of Matt Haynes and The Pulp Stage"