Matt's note: This one is intended to be part of a summer camp horror play.
FIRST DAY SPEECH (any gender, late teens to late twenties)
I don't WANT to rehearse the speech. I don't want to DO the speech. Stan, I'm no good at speaking in front of people, even if they are little kids. I know the assistant director usually gives the speech but under the circumstances-- you're not going to let me out of this meeting until I rehearse the speech, are you?-- FINE!
"Good morning friends and welcome to our first day of camp- woo-hoo..."
and all that-- Stan, I promise I'll get loud and excited when I actually do the speech but for- FINE.
"Gooooood morning friends and welcome to our FIRST! DAY! OF! CAMP! WOOOO-HOOOOOO! My name is Corey and big news this summer, I have been promoted to assistant director and Stan is now the CAMP DIRECTOR and Nancy is gone for good! WOO-H--"
What? It's the truth isn't it? That's the best I can make of it, Stan, I mean do you want:
"My name is Corey and I've been promoted LAST MINUTE because Stan and Nancy had a falling out-"
Or how about
"My name is Corey and Stan and Nancy aren't sleeping together anymore because Nancy caught me and Stan down by the--"
Ha! Well Stan, that's the only thing on my mind right now. I think you better do the speech after all, don't you. Hm?
Copyright 2016 by Matt Haynes.
If you would like to use this piece, please credit: "Courtesy of Matt Haynes and The Pulp Stage"