THE FINDER (any gender, late twenties to late life)
I want you to get it out of me. Here. Now.
I know you have the tools. It's just something in my brain, Charlie. You're the country's number one brain surgeon, you can find the part of my brain that's making... you know that gives me this ability, this power, whatever they call it.
We've been friends all our lives so I know you don't believe in magic. Neither do I. Whatever gives me the ability to read people, to find people, to hurt people, it's got to be something PHYSICAL in my head.
Our country is under attack again. You know what that means, right? In about an hour, there's going to be men in suits taking me away. And it'll start all over again. I'll have to find people, I'll have to make people suffer... I'll be up on magazine covers again. And millions of people will be saying... "Chris is an angel." And millions more will be saying "Chris is a devil." And I'll be feeling the feelings of every one of those people!
You know my nickname right? The Water Finder. I googled that term last night. My name came up several times but when I scrolled down, I got to "Water Finding Stick" and then "Water Finding Paste"... PASTE! I didn't even know that water finding paste exisited... I guess you put it on a rod and probe machinery for water damage?
And you know what?
There wasn't a single negative customer review. "Water Finding Paste." It just does what it does, no more, no less.
It's. Just. A helpful. Thing.
I'd like to live like that. Charlie can you be a friend one last time?
Copyright 2016 by Matt Haynes.
If you would like to use this piece, please credit: "Courtesy of Matt Haynes and The Pulp Stage"