SENSITIVE (any gender, early twenties to late forties)
I’m sorry, I’m really, really sorry. Today was your big day; you thought today you were going to be killed... but no; instead I’m taking back the contract.
I’m not insensitive. I’m really quite sensitive. It’s how I do my job so well. I can imagine how devastating this must be. But you gotta understand...
You kinda did bring this on yourself. I can tell you’re asking for it. You’re kinda making me not kill you. This isn’t my fault.
I mean did you know that none of my clients; none of them ask to see me before I kill them? That’s right; the other clients just fill out the encrypted form online and then I can kill them any time they’re off guard, nice and painless. I’ve never had to talk to the client face to face right before I did it.
And I can tell that me being here is really upsetting you. I’m not insensitive! I see things. I see you sitting there, crying, hands trembling, totally stalling on signing the papers... it messes with my head! And, you know what?
I’m betting you didn’t really want to die in the first place. No, you gotta drag me out here and make me the bad guy. Waste of time! WASTE OF TIME! You are sooo not getting my services today, missy and you know what else? I’m telling all my colleagues about you and they’re not going to kill you either.
That’s right. You, my dear, are screwed.
Copyright 2016 by Matt Haynes
If you would like to use this piece, please credit: "Courtesy of Matt Haynes and The Pulp Stage"