STEW (any gender, late teens to late life)
No you cannot have just the monster meat. I only sell it as a stew.
I know, a lot of people think that the broth is just a way for me to make extra money... and I've seen other people in the King's market do such things: Example being the Earl of Sandwich insisting that he sell you two bulky slices of bread on either side of meat slabs. Nonsense. Not necessary.
But monster STEW? Believe me you want my potioned water. It balances out the fire in the meat, don't you know? Oh, it's a popular rumor that monster meat is hot but everyone thinks that means spicy. No, no, no... you chomp on ancient lizard meat, your teeth become as flint and the meat becomes as steel. People have burned the insides of their mouthes right out.
How do you think living drag-- well best not to speak the name but... how do you think the monsters breathe fire? They started just like any ancient lizard, they just had a problem... they chew the insides of their cheeks. They chew, fire sparks and they spit it out. They're really quite neurotic.
And quite tasty, of course. But only as a stew, my friend, as a stew.
And anyway, if my stew is good enough for the Earl of Oxford, it's good enough for you. Yes, I served the good Earl, I catered a theatre party and do you know: He and the leader of the players, they exchanged smiles and nods when I proclaimed:
"The quality of monster is not strained!"
Copyright 2016 by Matt Haynes. If you would like to use this piece, please credit: "Courtesy of Matt Haynes and The Pulp Stage"