Matt's Monoblog

Monologue 273: "Wordless Monologue VII" (comedic, fantastical)

9/28/2016

For this one: You must defend yourself against a huge chewing-out.

WORDLESS MONOLOGUE VII (any gender, mid teens through late life)

[Pick a focal point out in the audience. This will be an imaginary person]

[Big tense smile]

[Big breath in about to say something]

[You get cut off. You close your mouth into a tight smile and nod.]

[Pause, uncomfortable, listening, getting a chewing out.]

[Nod again. Nod several times and open your mouth again, breathing in to say something.]

[You wince as you get cut off again. Close mouth. No smile.]

[Nod steadily as you continue to get chewed out.]

[Pause. The person has asked you a condescending rhetorical question]

[Shrug your shoulders and breath in about to say something.]

[You wince as you get cut off once again. Close mouth. No smile. Eyes squeezed shut.]

[Nod rapidly, eyes squeezed shut, not really listening just in pain at the chew out. You're at the end of your patience]

[Open your eyes. And put a finger up. "One second" your gesture says.]

[Look one way and then the other. Nobody else around.]

[Reach into your back pocket. Bring a fist back out.]

[Open the fist and blow some invisible fairy dust towards the person.]

[pause]

[The person begins to rise off the ground. You follow with your gaze, calmly.]

[The person steadily goes up, up, up and away.]

[Smile and wave "bye-bye" to the person.]

Copyright 2016 by Matt Haynes.
If you would like to use this piece, please credit: "Courtesy of Matt Haynes and The Pulp Stage"

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Monologue 267: "Wordless Monologue VI" (horrific, dramatic)

9/22/2016

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For this one, you must seek a cure for your vampire bite in a church.

WORDLESS MONOLOGUE V (any gender, mid teens through late life)

[Back to the audience. Place your left hand over the side of your neck where a vampire has bitten you.]

[Place your right hand over your brow, shielding your eyes]

[Turn front, look one way. Look the other way. Nobody else in the church. Good.]

[Keep your hands where they are and carefully make your way downstage a few steps]

[Stop. Look one way and then another. Coast is still clear. Okay]

[Clumsily get down on both knees. You haven't really done this before]

[Squeeze your eyes shut. Take your right hand off your eyes. Your right hand is shaking. Slowly make the cross over your heart]

[Hiss and gasp in pain. Put your right hand over your left hand. The bite is burning. Your breathing turns rapid]

[Slowly remove your right hand, keeping your left hand on the wound. Still breathing hard and still with eyes shut, put your hand out palm front, like the "Stop."]

[Slowly open your eyes as you see the large religious statue in front of you.]

[Wince and open your mouth gasping. Your eyes are squinting. But you begin to blink them and see the image in front of you.]

[Take your right hand and raise it like you're testifying in court. Look to the image in front of you. Make the peace sign with your right hand. Look at your hand. Look at the image. No that's not it. Put your peace fingers together. Look at your hand. Look at the image. Look at your hand and release your thumb. That's it.]

[Look back at the image. Look to your left hand. Your breathing has calmed. You remove your left hand from your neck. Nothing there anymore. You rub your left hand along your neck. Really. Nothing there. You let out a shuddering breath.]

[You then take a deep, calming breath. Move your left hand to your heart. Move your right hand to your heart. Look, unflinching at the image in front of you. Smile and nod.]

Copyright 2016 by Matt Haynes.
If you would like to use this piece, please credit: "Courtesy of Matt Haynes and The Pulp Stage"

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Monologue 255: "Wordless Monologue V" (comedic, fantastical, horrific)

9/10/2016

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For this one you must use your robo-arm to commit an assassination.

WORDLESS MONOLOGUE V (any gender, early twenties through late life)

[Look at your focal point very cautiously.]

[Look to your left.]

[Look to your right.]

[Hold out your arm with your hand limp.]

[Use your other hand to slowly type in a "code" on your arm. ATM style.]

[Pause.]

[Tap one more time to press "enter."]

[Your arm suddenly goes ridged, making a fist.]

[You type in the same code.]

[Pause.]

[Press "enter."]

[From the fist, your index finger pops up.]

[Press "enter" again.]

[The arm slowly moves outward and hovers on a few "targets" before finding the primary one.]

[Reach over to the pointing fist and cock the thumb up.]

[Take a deep breath and move two steps forward toward your "target."]

[Jolt in alarm. The target has turned around and seen you.]

[Grab your gun arm. It's still going to be in gun formation but do the classic-- "brushing hair back" with the arm. Tense smile and quick wave with the free arm.]

[Pause.]

[The target has turned back around. Let out a breath.]

[Grab the arm and reposition it.]

[However, the arm moves back toward your head, in the "brush hair back."]

[Grab the arm and reposition it.]

[The arm moves back toward your head again.]

[Grab the arm again. It out-muscles you and moves steadily to the "brush hair back."]

[Sloppily type in another "code."]

[Pause.]

[Press "enter."]

[The finger moves down your jawline and under your chin. Perfect position to blow your brains out.]

[The finger pushes your chin up a little. You are helpless to do anything but freeze in place. Wide eyed, and terrified, try to look down at the "gun." You are at its mercy. Deep breath in through the nose. Squeeze eyes shut.]

Copyright 2016 by Matt Haynes.
If you would like to use this piece, please credit: "Courtesy of Matt Haynes and The Pulp Stage"

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Monologue 252: "Wordless Monologue IV" (gritty, comedic)

9/7/2016

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For this one: Before committing a robbery, you must scare a rookie thief into obeying orders.

WORDLESS MONOLOGUE IV (any gender, mid teens through late life)

[Find a focal point about ten feet away, not an audience member but in their general direction]

[Slowly make the "shhhh" motion with your finger]

[Point to a location about 12 feet behind you: The bedroom]

[Look back to your focal point. Point to your "watch", using one hand to touch your wrist]

[Raise your thumb: "It's time." ]

[Point to yourself]

[Put a hand over your mouth: "I'll silence the victim"]

[Point to your focal point. Make a snatching motion with your hand: "You grab the goodies"]

[Hold your palm out "stop"]

[Very slowly point to your focal point]

[Stay on your focal point but make a hand puppet, like a duck's head... make it go "quack, quack, quack"]

[Slowly draw your index finger across your throat]

[Point to your focal point again]

[Make another duck puppet and open it up and shake it like it's screaming]

[Slowly draw your index finger across your throat]

[Point to your focal point again. Pumping your arms and knees, silently run in place]

[Stop reach out and make a grabbing motion. Make a pulling motion towards you.]

[Use both hands to point to your groin]

[Use two fingers on one hand to make a slow big scissor snipping motion. About four snips.]

[And again, slowly draw your index finger across your throat]

[Big toothy smile]

[Give a thumbs up]

[Jerk your head in a "let's go"]

[Turn and creep slowly upstage, two steps]

[The piece is over. Turn around, say "thank you" to the audience]

Copyright 2016 by Matt Haynes.
If you would like to use this piece, please credit: "Courtesy of Matt Haynes and The Pulp Stage"

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Monologue 134: "Wordless Monologue II" (comedic, horrific)

5/13/2016

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For this one: You must figure out what has flown into your eye.

WORDLESS MONOLOGUE II (any gender mid-teens to late life)

[Walk a couple of paces across the stage, going somewhere]

[Turn to hit your mark, facing the audience but keep going until suddenly]

[Jerk to a halt and put your right palm over your right eye- something has flown into it]

[Take a couple of steps back onto your mark]

[Take your index finger and run it over your eyelid until you reach the left corner... you're getting the 'speck' out]

[Take your finger away from your eye. What ever hit your eye is now on your finger. Look at it. You've never seen anything like it before]

[It's now traveling down from your finger along the inside of your right arm]

[When it reaches your bicep, smack it with your left hand]

[Pinch in it between your index finger and thumb]

[Raise it up and look at it again. Keep your hand froze in place and more you head towards it]

[Widen your eyes and jerk your head back. What the hell IS this thing?]

[Move your head forward again and take a sniff. Hmmm... not bad.]

[Move your head back. Look one way then the other.]

[Move your head forward again and put the speck in your mouth. Nervously put your hands behind your back.]

[Hold your head completely still except your jaw and lips. Chew, lips closed.]

[Pause]

[Chew some more-- lips closed but bigger movements with the jaw]

[Pause-- keep your head still but widen your eyes and send your gaze toward your mouth-- has this thing actually gotten BIGGER?]

[Keep your lips closed and chew as big as you possibly can. Start breathing anxiously in with your nose]

[Chew even BIGGER until-- you take both hands from behind your back and put your palms to your mouth.]

[Open your mouth into your palms. The make sure the palms are never visible to the audience.]

[Take a look at what's in your palms. Horrified face. Whatever is in your palms is now the size of a chipmunk]

[Horrified. Has anyone seen? Look one way and then the other]

[The thing in your palms begins to move. Cup one palm over the other. The thing is wiggling in your palms. Twitch the right palm. Twitch the left palm. Repeat.]

[Hastily send your palms towards your right pocket.]

[Shove whatever is in your palms into you pocket and immediately put both palms over the pocket]

[Freeze. Look one way. Look the other.]

[Leg starts to twitch-- tickled by the thing wriggling in your right pocket]

[Take an anxious breath. Humanity must be protected from what you've expelled.]

[Walk off, limping slightly on the right side as the thing continues to twitch in your pocket.]

Copyright 2016 by Matt Haynes.
If you would like to use this piece, please credit: "Courtesy of Matt Haynes and The Pulp Stage"

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Monologue 95: "Wordless Monologue" (comedic, horrific, dramatic)

4/4/2016

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For this one: You must go from defying a telekinetic enemy to surrendering.
MATT'S NOTE. To make this darkly comedic, go fast and big. To make it dramatic, go slow, small and smooth.

WORDLESS MONOLOGUE (any gender, mid teens to late life)

[Find your focal point out in the house-- don't use an actual person.]

[Laugh at the focal point.]

[Shake your head "No" at the focal point.]

[Give your focal point the finger.]

[The arm giving the finger begins to tremor. Shift your gaze to the arm.]

[Grab the arm. It stops trembling. Let it go. It returns to your side, nice and normal.]

[Shift your gaze to the focal point. Use your second arm to give a quick snotty "buh-bye" with your hand.]

[The second arm starts to tremor, even more violently. Switch your gaze quickly to the arm, then quickly back to the focal point.]

[Start breathing a little hard. The first arm rises back up and begins to tremor.]

[Switch your gaze to the first arm. It's now a mirror image of the second arm.]

[Switch your gaze back to the focal point, breathing harder. Look says "You're causing this, aren't you?"]

[Both hands suddenly land, claw-like, on your stomach. Your gaze moves to them quickly.]

[Both hands start to crawl, crab-like, up your breast bone to your throat. Your breathing grows faster.]

[Both hands grip your throat. Your breathing "stops" and your head starts to tremor from "lack of oxygen."]

[look at your focal point. Try to say something, probably "please make it stop." But only let a strangled gag out]

[both hands suddenly mechanically let go and lock into a limp writs position in front of your chest. You gasp in air. Your limp hands make you look like a dog on its hind legs.]

[Your arms "release" and go naturally down to their sides. Still gasping a bit, your gaze shifts to them.]

[You look back at your focal point. Clearly in control now, you hold your arms up in a "Okay, enough, I'm unarmed" pose.]

[Keeping your arms in that position, slowly go down on one knee.]

[Once down, nod your head at the focal point and hold your hands up like you are presenting an offering.]

[Close your eyes.]

[Bow your head.]

Copyright 2016 by Matt Haynes.
If you would like to use this piece, please credit: "Courtesy of Matt Haynes and The Pulp Stage"

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Artistic Director Matt Haynes presents a new short monologue every day, 2016. The majority of these are gender-flexible and usable for teenagers on up. Feel free to grab any of these for your audition... or just to perform for fun. If you need to trim the beginnings or endings for time, go ahead, but please do not alter the text itself.

Hey! Also, if you end up using one of these, drop Matt a line. We're hoping to track the spreading of our work! pulpstagematt@gmail.com

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Monologue 273: "Wordless Monologue VII" (comedic, fantastical)

Monologue 267: "Wordless Monologue VI" (horrific, dramatic)

Monologue 255: "Wordless Monologue V" (comedic, fantastical, horrific)

Monologue 252: "Wordless Monologue IV" (gritty, comedic)

Monologue 134: "Wordless Monologue II" (comedic, horrific)

Monologue 95: "Wordless Monologue" (comedic, horrific, dramatic)

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