PROPOSAL 1 (any gender, early twenties to late life)
Shiloh, you have made these last three years the happiest of my life. I can only imagine the future getting better and better with you. I know I don't commit to things easily but I am ready to ask you the big question: Shiloh Smith, would you maaaaaybe leave behind Shiloh Smith B and Shiloh Smith C?
I know you identify with them since they're your clones-- sorry, sorry-- your "other selves." And I love them as well, of course. Of course. I mean, I love everything about YOU so I guess it only makes sense the I love all yous-- huh, I never thought that could be grammatically correct. Ha!
Anyway, Shiloh, I love every permutation of you but there ARE practical things that have made life a bit... tricky. When you take Shiloh B with us on a date, you're always getting criticized-- and I really can't stand it when both B and C are invited to join us for a menage-a-whatever-comes-after-trois... because I really can't keep up with everyone's demands and Shiloh C is always making fun of the look on my face when I-- well... you know but--
Oh, Shiloh. All I mean to say... all I mean to ASK is: May I have just ONE of your hands in marriage?
Copyright 2016 by Matt Haynes.
If you would like to use this piece, please credit: "Courtesy of Matt Haynes and The Pulp Stage"