For this one: You must convince your friend to get out of the country with you before there's any more trouble. Matt's note: Mature audiences only.
STAGE ACT (any gender, late teens through late twenties)
Jay, can't you just GET OVER IT? The police have cleared us. Right? Even gave us a free return flight to the states. Right? We're fine. There's nothing to freak out about. I mean, maybe there is. I KNOOOOW... Murder's pretty scary. We're all on the same page, there. Fair enough.
But I didn't murder anyone. You didn't murder anyone. That DOUCHE-BAG murdered someone. How the hell were we gonna know he'd react like that?
I know you got the idea to send him there. Jay, you had the RIGHT idea. Either the guy was going to chicken out or he was going to get put in his place. Either way, he was going to stop following us around the city bragging on his bullshit: All the college freshmen he's sure now have baby bumps thanks to his old "Netflix & Chill" technique. And then every souvenir shop...
"Maybe I should get a bunch of these as push presents for the ladies back home. Ya-haw-haw-haw."
If he was telling the truth, that's scary. If he was kidding, that's... I dunno... that's GROSS.
You were totally right to tell me about that stage act. And I was totally right to take him. I want you to stop whining "I shoulda went." Could of, would of, should of. You didn't miss anything. It went just like you predicted.
Hooker needed a volunteer. He jumps right up onto the stage. They go at it. He gets a big round of applause when he finishes. He's looking really happy with himself. Again. Then part 2: The greased up body builder enters from back stage. Holds our guy down and five minutes later, gets a big round of applause when HE finishes.
Yeah, I felt a little shook up. I mean our guy actually started crying at one point. Started yelling something? I dunno. It was hard to hear over the chanting.
Maybe something snapped. Maybe he had it in him the whole time. But the police agree the connection is obvious. One messed up tourist. One dead female stage performer. When you really drill down, it has nothing to do with us.
Jay, let's just go home.
Copyright 2016 by Matt Haynes.
If you would like to use this piece, please credit: "Courtesy of Matt Haynes and The Pulp Stage"