For this one, you must get your co-counselor to rally the other counselors whom you hate.
HOLD YOUR NOSE (any gender, mid teens through early twenties)
Iris, you need to talk to them. It's an EMERGENCY! We've got a camper missing, right? What do you do when a camper goes missing? You contact BOSS! But they're like:
"Naww we don't need to make this an emergency, we can just find him ourselves."
No Iris, I must say the truth about those two. They may be counselors, they may be our co-workers, they may be nice people even but they are a couple of great big DOO-DOO-HEADS.
If you and I tell Boss it's an emergency but the doo-doo-heads tell boss "Nawww" then Boss is just going to get confused. And meanwhile Boss's soon-to-be-ex-wife is hate-texting him again and he'll just be like "I dunno, you all need to come back later and tell me what's really going on because I'm really busy and I need to hate-text back to my soon-to-be-ex-wife"
Meanwhile Johnny is out there in the woods getting the life sucked out of him by the ghosts-- and you and I have agreed that there ARE ghosts. Why? Because we're not DOO-DOO-HEADS.
So you need to talk to the doo-doo-heads. Tell them to tell Boss to hold off on hate-texting because this is an EMERGENCY. I know it's not easy to persuade the doo-doo-heads. But at least you won't be IGNORED. The doo-doo-heads have been ignoring me, all summer.
That's why I call them doo-doo-heads! I talk to them and they just give me this blank look. Okay, I'm not everyone's cup of tea but IRIS! I try to imagine what's going on in their heads every time I talk to them. NOTHING! All I see is big old pile of animated doo-doo dancing around going "la-la-la LA-LA."
Okay, here they come, now. I'm going to make myself scarce. Just hold your nose and save a life, will ya?
Copyright 2016 by Matt Haynes.
If you would like to use this piece, please credit: "Courtesy of Matt Haynes and The Pulp Stage"