FOOD GRADE (any gender, mid-teens to late thirties)
What do you mean Food Grade?
Mom, we are not-- you didn't raise me as... I mean, we've got a top quality house, I got to go to the top school for humans and I graduated top in my class.
It's a joke, right? I mean, when I'm of age, the Darmenoids aren't going to look at me and decide I'm only good for a meal. That's a waste! Unless...- oh-HO!
That's what this is all about isn't it? How you were able to afford this house and this lifestyle in the first place. YOU'RE food grade, DAD'S food grade and you two got a big payoff to raise me... as a DELICACY!
Welllllll, let me tell you something, mom. These next couple of decades? I am NOT going to just lie down, watch TV and fatten up. I'm going to work harder than ever and when the Darmenoids take a look at me, you better believe they won't be coming back home with piece of chow, they'll be coming back home with a PET!
Copyright 2016 by Matt Haynes.
If you would like to use this piece, please credit: "Courtesy of Matt Haynes and The Pulp Stage"